What can we learn from our children?
What Can We Learn From Our Children?
By: Maureen A. Wikete Lee, Ph.D. & Merlene E. Gilb., Ed.D.
“Pandemic”. Few words strike fear in families with young children like this word. The suddenness, the unknown, and lack of control is disconcerting. Coupled with social distancing recommendations and stay-at-home orders, caregivers are unexpectedly carrying the burden of family and work responsibilities, all from home with interrupted routines as the world has turned upside down so quickly. But, in this time of uncertainty, we can look to our children.
As we seek to somehow settle into a “new normal”, here are two simple ways for families to embrace being together and finding joy in small moments.
Embrace the Pace - Be Present
Each child is born with his or her own unique rhythm and pace. For the caregiver, this means adjusting our adult pace to take in the world through a child’s eyes. Children notice and appreciate when adults listen to their wonderings and recognize their discoveries. Listening is relational (Davies, 2014). Children make their voice known and want to be listened to beginning in infancy (Gros-Louis, West, & King, 2014). Children are, by nature, extraordinary listeners, though it often goes unnoticed. Children listen with such generosity and expectation - connecting patterns, researching, encoding and decoding with incredible creativity (Rinaldi, 2006). As every caregiver knows, children do not have to be taught to ask “why”. They ask “why” to listen to possibilities.
Related to a child’s learning, time and listening could not be more important or more connected. The origin of the word “school” comes from the Latin schola which means, “leisure time given to learning”. For learning to form requires a commitment to time - time for the child, time for the adult, and time for being together (Davies, 2014; Rinaldi, 2006). This is the moment to embrace the leisure of learning over the academics of learning. Now that life is not coming at families at warp speed, we have time to rediscover the importance of this time. How? Carlina Rinaldi (2006) expresses it this way:
Is it legitimate today, when everything seems to go towards ever greater speed, in fact towards super-speed, to admire slowness, empty time, pauses? It is not a contest between speed and slowness, but about having the courage to rediscover the time of being human beings. And the child can help us, he or she can help us to feel again the time that is inside us and the time that we are. We are made of time, we are the shape of time. The question is to be able to listen to this time of ours and to propose it not only as a right, but as a social and cultural value - a value that children offer to us. (p. 207)
Time invites listening and being listened to by others (Rinaldi, 2006). And now we have that time. Embrace your child’s pace with the gift of your slowed pace and presence.
What might this look like for you and your child today?
Slow down: Sit on the floor, play follow-the-leader, do chores together
Be active: Taking a walk, listening carefully while outdoors, creating a simple scavenger hunt or “I Spy” game
Ask questions: Learn about your child's unique perspective on the world, notice what sparks your child's curiosity
Tell your child WHY you love them
Read! Reading something to your child every day. Great movies are often based on great books.
Play Everyday!
It is hard to think of play without thinking of childhood. And for most of us, that word takes us back to a carefree time.
Play is every child’s innate way of learning. Play is also a healthy distraction from difficult circumstances and provides an outlet for a child to release energy and stress. Educators and pediatricians value and advocate for play (NAEYC, 2009; Yogman, Garner, Hutchinson, Hirsh-Pasek, & Michnick Golinkoff, 2018), yet many teachers face challenges in protecting unscheduled time to honor children’s play within the school day (Rendon & Gronlund, 2017). As we seek a new normal with our interrupted routines, might this be our opportunity to prioritize play?
What might this look like for you and your child today?
Imagine, pretend, and create with
a cardboard box
a bed sheet
sticks, rocks, seeks, or mud
water in the sink or bathtub
found materials-washed bottle caps, plastic food containers, yarn or fabric scraps
Sing and dance
Retell favorite stories and create new stories
Be open to joyful discovery and wonder
In this time of uncertainty, what can families be sure of? What can families take comfort in? What can we learn from our children? We can relearn what truly matters – how to be together and how to be there for each other. Perhaps this might be our focus, rather than adopting an expectation that families must somehow replicate schools in our homes? It’s that simple.
Maureen A. Wikete Lee, Ph.D. is an Assistant Professor and Associate Dean of the School of Education at Saint Louis University;
Merlene Gilb, Ed.D. is an Assistant Professor in the School of Education at Saint Louis University
Resources for families:
Five Essentials to Meaningful Play
International Children’s Digital Library
National Association for the Education of Young Children - Research-based resources, tips, and ideas for families—from child development to reading, writing, music, math, and more!
10 No-Cost, Screen-Free Activities to Play with Your Preschooler:
References:
Davies, B. (2014). Listening to children: Being and becoming. London: Routledge.
Gros‐Louis, J., West, M. J., & King, A. P. (2014). Maternal responsiveness and the development of directed vocalizing in social interactions. Infancy,19(4), 385-408.
National Association for the Education of Young Children. (2009). Developmentally appropriate practice in early childhood programs serving children from birth to age 8 [Position Statement]. Retrieved from https://www.naeyc.org/sites/default/files/globally-shared/downloads/PDFs/resources/position-statements/PSDAP.pdf
Rendon, T., & Gronlund, G. (2017). Saving play. [electronic resource] : addressing standards through play-based learning in preschool and kindergarten. Redleaf Press.
Rinaldi, C. (2006). In dialogue with Reggio Emilia: Listening, researching and learning. London: Routledge.
Yogman, M., Garner, A., Hutchinson, J., Hirsh-Pasek, K., Golinkoff, R. M., Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health, & Council on Communications and Media. (2018). The power of play: A pediatric role in enhancing development in young children. Pediatrics, 2018; 142 (3); e20182058; DOI: https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2018-2058